My Coach

We had a family outing tonight going to the high school boys' swim meet.  Kimarie is the coach and her son Skyler is on the team.  The team dominated!  They are 6 and 0.  

My devotional said "rather than trying to maintain control over your life, abandon yourself to My will."  

Abandon myself to His will.  Kinda like a swimmer and a coach.  Abandon myself to what the Coach sees or wants to work on or wants me to do.  I know from college, that swimming is almost as much a mental sport as it is a physical one.  Knowing what I can do vs what I actually do.  Being completely abandoned to what my coach saw that I was capable of and what he knew my body could do if my mind would trust him enough to actually try it.  Pushing past that mental "wall" of fear of failure or fear of pain and not giving in to the comfort of giving up.  

My constant clawing at what I see as good control over my life is the VERY thing that that hinders me.   It keeps me loving and needing control.  A constant desire for control is exactly what hides abandonment to God.  I hate failure.  I hate pain.  I do see comfort in giving up.  But I don't want to.  I want to believe God as my coach is right and that I CAN do what He is asking.   I seem to give up in that last 25 yard stretch and console myself with trying again later when in reality I didn't want to "give it my all" and then STILL fail.  I don't want to have all that pain and still not get anywhere.  Giving up is so easy.  

Abandonment to my coach is kinda crazy.  It is very counter cultural.  It is so very "iffy".  It is not safe.  It is not comfortable.  It means others will look at me without understanding and talk about me behind my back.  I won't be "like everybody else".  That doesn't sound easy or fun.  

Training for something I suppose never is.  Finishing well, doing my best and hearing that "good job my faithful servant" is more what I'm going for.  :)