Being Fully Understood

Drew was quite proud of this backpack today and felt "big".  He even obtained his own pencil and notebook and brought in a little table to the middle of the kitchen while Grandma was cooking to do some "homework".  

So this morning I was not doing well emotionally.  I didn't read my devotional until well into the self pity.  This line stuck me "Rejoice in the relief of being fully understood.  Talk with Me about your struggles and feelings of inadequacy."  

Drew just wants to be big.  I just want to be mature in my faith.  I just want to not have to bother with all this self pity, emotional struggles, and feelings of inadequacy.  I feel like sometimes I am really just 3 and carrying around a plastic backpack that everyone else knows is pretend and when I 'really' grow up I'll have a real one.  Does God just let me pretend to do mature things and really I'm just not big enough to do anything real?

Today was one of those days when my emotions didn't match my head knowledge.  My emotions said God didn't care or love me or was bothered by how I felt.  But the TRUTH is (and I had to just be content with knowing and not feeling the TRUTH) God delights in blessing me with "little" things like Grace and Peace.   This morning I am honestly not even sure what I was so down about.  I tried to think it through and put my finger on it but I didn't even really know why I was so depressed.  Illogically I was being down about my parenting, my friendships, my worship leading, my Day Camp stuff, and my ability to be a good wife and housekeeper.  Pretty much hit every big thing there was in my life.  But honestly it was so much of a spiritual attack that I couldn't even see it for what it was and was just floundering.  

When I finally was able to pull myself together enough to read my devotions, and read that I AM fully understood, I was able to stand on that truth..... even though I didn't feel it.  I'm not sure if I am 3 or not, but I do know that the backpack I carry and homework I do for God is actually never needed by Him.  He is God.  He doesn't need me to help Him;  but Miracle of Miracles He wants me to help Him.  Mature or not, He doesn't care.  Wow.  

A smile on my face would probably be a good addition.  :)